Why are you the biggest enemy to yourself?

To be honest , my mind is always popping something I don’t wanna admit but they are truly existed.

the funny thing is I can’t resist them. Not that I am born in this way but I strongly believe in that the books I read years ago–those fantasy became toxic and damaging in my reality.

I became aware of them , too much with  all of my attentions. And I became afraid of them when I think of them . But I forgot that I am also a normal person, who has needs, whether they are lousy or not.Just like having meals three times per day. But I really hate that side of myself, it surely makes me weak and anything I felt is that I am being betrayed by myself.

Isn’t that funny to hear that? I start to realize the meaning of “the biggest enemy is me ”  that quote. When I don’t want to sleep, my dizzy head put me to sleep; when I don’t want to be angry or crying, my eyes keep dripping drops of tears and my fists balled tightly while I looked right up to the sky and faked a smile.

There’s nothing to blame on other people but myself. Sometimes I do want to be a better person, but my mind and my body are telling me another side of how bad those people treat me that way, how worst this decision you made. But once as if I follow what my mind tell me to do, I do feel great and all the pressure that dragged me not to sleep instantly go away in a second.

However the consequences are huge. For instance I deleted someone on FB,and I do feel good after not being his friend. Yet he never want to be my friend again after a year until now even I always see him at school. And the worst is that he is experienced with the schools and he also friends with the same people I am hanging out in the weekend. That is why I am afraid of my voice in my mind though I knew you do the right thing, it doesn’t mean you are fully right about the situations .

 

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